in thoughts...

My friend P invited me and another friend V to a drama staged by her church on Sat. My friend V, and I are both free thinkers. Anyway, the drama was about this true story of a woman 2 centuries ago, who for a while remained cynical about religion, until she fell into a coma, whereby she witnessed many things: glimpses of heavenly realms, Jesus’ birth, His life, His suffering and His works on earth.

The drama, I must admit, was quite a good effort: the acting, the directing, costumes, lightings… a good production. After the drama, the pastor talked about how he was transformed by God, how bad he once was, how much better he felt after receiving Christ. Here’s one line he said that I remember: I couldn’t enjoy God because Sin was in me, and I couldn’t enjoy Sin because God was in me.

Then, as V and I secretly expected, there was the usual call for people to accept Christ into their hearts. V and I did not step out to join this new group of “would-be Christians”, for our own reasons – V doesn’t feel that she needs a religion, I am just plain confused and I refuse to accept something when I’m still confused about it.

After that, this lady walked up to us and asked my friend P if we accepted Christ. P answered that V and I did not. This lady then started talking to us, me in particular, because V was looking at this large banner hanging somewhere and thus she looked “a little distant”, in the lady’s words. She told us about this guy who was about to accept Christ but was delaying it, and he was knocked down by a motorcyclist before he could accept Christ. So she urged us to accept Christ soon. Then she turned to P and told her not to be so disappointed, whereby P just burst into tears. And when I saw P cry (I’ve never seen P cry), tears started welling up in my own eyes. I think, more than anything, I felt like crying because it was as if something I did, or rather didn’t do, made P cry. But still, V and I stuck to our decision not to accept Christ, at least on that day at that time.

P had to stay to help with costumes for another performance in the evening, so V and I went off to grab something to eat and talk. V said she doesn’t feel as if she needs a religion in her life, that she feels happy every morning when she wakes up(this was in response to what the lady said about waking up each day feeling wonderful to know God is in her). For me, I just wonder how people come to have such deep faith in their religion. I mean, for those who have been through a crisis and felt they survived only because of God and their faith in Him, I can see how the faith is built. But what about children who just accept their parents’ religion? Do they get indoctrinated as they grow up? (Hmm, I think there is such a word as indoctrinate right?) Do they look for evidence of God’s power as they grow up and thus build their faith?

In the drama, the idea was that God’s mercy triumphs over judgement… that Jesus had paid for our sins when he died for us on the cross long ago… but does that mean that as long as I accept Christ, I’ll go to heaven when I die? I did say the prayer to accept Christ into my heart when I was young, but since I haven’t done much to follow up after that, isn’t it as good as not having said it before?

When we die, they say we’ll face judgement before God, to answer for our lives. I wonder, if 3 different people stood in front of Him, how will he judge?
First person is one who has said the prayer to accept Christ, but has not done anything much after that, no development in his relationship with God, in other words.
Second person is one who has done many ill deeds in his life, but just minutes before his death, he accepted Christ into his heart.
Third person is one who has never said the prayer before, and in fact, he has rejected the chance to accept Christ, but his conduct is extremely good, for example he does good deeds and helps people with all his heart and effort.
Who will go to Heaven, and who will suffer in Hell?

I don’t want to adopt a religion just because people ask me to. I don’t want to adopt a religion just because people around me are doing it. I feel that when I am going to adopt a religion, it has to be because I really believe in it, because it’ll make me a more complete person, a happier person, a wiser person, a stronger person.

I was saying to V, what makes people want to believe? She said, “Crisis and insecurity.”

Maybe, I guess. Maybe a crisis is what will push me to a religion. It sounds like I’m just asking for a beating, asking for trouble. Darn.