in thoughts...

I read something somebody called Erma Bombeck wrote before... apparently she fought with cancer and lost... some things she wrote still touch something deep inside of me, even as I read it now... below are excerpts...

If I had my life to live over...
I would have talked less and listened more...
I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth...
I would have burned the pink candle scrulpted like a rose before it melted in storage...
I would have cried and laughed less while watching television - and more while watching life...
I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending that the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for a day...
Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realised that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist in a miracle...
There would have been more "I love you" and "Sorry", but most of all, I would seize every minute, look at it, really see it, live it and never give it back....

I have this written on the back of my notebook, which I carry almost everywhere... It's been there for the second year now... I intend to keep it with me for many years to come, just to remind me from time to time to cherish what I have... and remind me how I can live a better life, just by focusing on each day, each hour... and how the smallest difference can make a different impact... how a ripple can become a wave, both in my life and in someone else's life...

I suppose you can tell by now... I'm really quite paranoid about having regrets, or dying before I fulfill my dreams... or not living to the fullest that I am capable of... As such, I'll never take drugs nor smoke, and sometimes I can hardly contain my disapproval of those who do that... guess I'm not cut out to be a social worker... I can't keep my prejudices... I just can't find myself agreeing with someone who wants to hurt themselves or cut their lives short, when so many people out there want to live but can't...

Many that live deserve death. And some die that deserve life.
Lord of the Rings, J.R.R. Tolkien

Maybe it's not up to me to judge if they're wrong or right in choosing to live their lives this way... Even the wisest cannot see all ends... (Tolkien)

But sometimes it's just so hard... I was just watching television last night, about how SARS took the life of this famous and capable doctor in Singapore... He still had so much to live for...

Sigh... wonder why the world's not fair... who will give me answers?