in thoughts...

Again... it was during that talk after meeting... B was sharing with us how that time he was feeling down, and started questioning whether there really is someone up there... and then he heard this voice, as if the Someone was speaking to him...He "challenged" the Someone to show him a couple of signs, and he did see some signs...

I remember during Matriculation Fair, Ting went with me for Arts Matric Fair, and we went to Bean Factory for the free smoothie thingy, in the end it was some Christian group (can't remember which one) trying to spread God's word... I remember telling the girl, I'm waiting to hear the Voice... and I'll believe... I think she said something like, maybe God sent her as the voice instead... think we were kidding around also, saying it's quite dangerous if I really hear voices in my head... ;)

It's been one and a half years (omigosh... time flies...) Has anything changed? I'm convinced that Someone is there... but I still dunno if I'll ever really go into a religion... I'm convinced that even if the Someone has mapped out my life, my destiny, I'll still put in 100% effort to try to live my best... And for things I cannot handle, I should trust that Someone to take care of it for me...

Why did I want to hear the Voice? Because I want to feel as if I mattered to the Someone, such that the Someone needs to send me a personal message, so that I know that this Someone knows I exist... Well of cos if the Someone created me, the Someone WILL know I exist, but perhaps I just want to know I'm remembered... Was it because coming to university made me feel anonymous, small in a whole mass of people? Was my personal identity being challenged? I think so... because one and a half years later, it doesn't seem so important anymore whether I hear the Voice or not... because my life has been fine, I suppose it's the Someone's way of showing that I'm cared for...

Perhaps when I'm really really down in the dumps, then I'll really need to hear the Voice...