in thoughts...

this was one of the things we talked about that day after meeting... just casually asking one another how many kids we'd want if we could choose and decide... SM was saying last time he wanted kids but now he's not so sure, cos he feels he doesn't know how to educate them... He brought up this point - in bringing up our kids, we impose our own moral values on them, is it right to do that?

Before this I've thought a bit about parenting, but I was thinking more about how I can bring them up properly, how to prevent them from becoming teen gangsters or something... I've never considered this question of whether it's right or wrong to impose my own set of values on them...

Looking at how my parents brought me up, it's rather amazing how they did it... they're both not very well-educated, only had primary school education at most... Never consulted any parenting guides haha... but I'm fine... I'm okay... I'm not taking drugs, I'm not dropping out of school, I'm not very disillusioned with life, I'm not suicidal, I don't shoplift... Did my parents sit me down and read out some moral commandments? No. Did they stop me and lecture me at every turning point of my growing up life? No. Seems they din do very much huh?

I dunno how they did it. But I'm normal, well-adjusted, happy and I suppose I've everything I need... So what did they do? Somethings they did spell out straight: Don't steal, don't shoplift, don't drink (cos girls always lose out when they get drunk)... TV drama serials were very important parenting toolkits for my mom... I'd be sitting there watching TV with her, and they always showed the consequences of wayward behaviour... My mom will be like, "Arh, see... if you do that you'll become like that arh... You want or not?" And I'll shake my head no... But now the TV drama serials... can't say the same now lah... some things have changed... to make the drama serials full of ideal and morally correct endings doesn't seem to reflect real societal life... but it kinda tells kids that certain bad behaviour is normal in real life, it's okay to behave that way, a lot of people do that...

My parents din really say what I should or should not do, but they taught me not to do unto others what I don't want others to do to me... and they didn't even put that in words... just through their actions, I learned... I sought to understand why they did things the way they did... I learned to understand a certain "moral standard" the world has, a standard that applies to everyone all over the world... while cultures determine to some extent what behaviour is acceptable, in general, some things are constant - we all loathe traitors for instance... So is it wrong to impose our moral values on our kids? I think they'll need some to start them off in this world...

was talking to Db sometime ago... think we were wondering when was it we lost the innocence about our parents... when did we realize that they weren't perfect and that they din know everything? I can't remember... but my mom has always been honest with me... she has always told me that she didn't have much education, so she doesn't know much... she doesn't pretend to know everything... so I don't know when I lost this "innocence" that my parents "know-it-all"... but she taught me so much... seeing how she handled her interpersonal relationships... seeing her generosity, her kindness, her helpfulness, her optimism, her patience... it didn't matter to me whether she knew a lot or knew nothing... I was learning all the same..

No one knows how to be a parent... No one was born to be a parent... It's part of a journey we have to walk through and see, if we choose to take this path... Just as for camps, being the permanent facilitators ie nannies for groups, we know what we are supposed to do (make the group comfortable, take care of them, make them gel etc) but sometimes we just dunno how to go about doing it... some are better than others at doing it, but we all learn...

Sometimes some parents don't seem to care, they seem indifferent to your life... Sometimes some parents seem overprotective, they don't let you go out to experience things... Different parenting styles... who's to say who's right or wrong? But don't question whether your parents love you... don't... just take it that they do... just that they dunno the best way to express it...

First night of Absolut camp, was having a late night conversation with D & SYg about expectations... then we talked a little about our expectations about our kids in future... haha... we had expectations but we were aware that our kids may not meet those expectations... the future... holds a lot of unknowns... just gotta take them as they come...