in thoughts...
Monday, September 15, 2003
The Theory of "The One"
I have a few friends who believe in the theory of "The One"... Not the Matrix way of the Saviour... But rather that there is ONE person out there in this world who's meant to be their ONE true love...
I don't quite subscribe to that... Can you imagine the probability of meeting that ONE person in your life? I don't think I'll even notice him even if I walk past him a million times, let alone get to know him...
I'm thinking about this recently largely because of this new movie that's being advertised widely... "Turn Left Turn Right - 向左走，向右走"... I'm telling the version I read online, from the book (The movie's adapted from a book)...About this two people who live next to each other in an apartment but have never met... One has a habit of turning to the left, the other always turns to the right... The guy's a violinist looking for his one true love, while the girl's one true love is poetry... She's a writer or something... So, two parallel lines shouldn't ever meet, but they come together one day at a park, fountain-like place(I think, because it's round, and that's how they can ever meet), have the best time of their lives, till this shower of rain cuts their fun short... they exchange numbers and turn in the two different directions as dictated by their habit...
But they realise, on reaching home, that the rain had seeped through their coats and smudged the numbers till they were unrecognisable... They both waited by the phone, hoping the other would call... Time passed.... They had many close encounters of nearly meeting... Playing with the same cat or dog, kissing the same baby they passed on the street.... Yet not meeting... That winter was cold... They both decided to go away, leave this cold lonely place... They went to the park one last time with their luggage... And the two parallel lines met once more...
It's nice and sweet to think that there is one person out there just meant for you... But if you think that there is just that ONE person meant for you, it may not be all that good... Imagine you're in a relationship with this person... maybe at this stage you're not feeling that close to that person, or having some doubts about how far you could go as a couple... Maybe you're at a stage of comfort, just comfort, the sparks have died down... If you hold the view that there is "The ONE", you might be tempted to think that "The One" is still out there, and is not the one beside you....
I believe in the theory of "The Kind"... That there is a "type" of guy or girl that each person is suitable for... In your life, you will meet one, two or three of "The Kind" that you're compatible with... It's like you've a computer... you can install Internet Explorer or you can install Netscape...You'll choose one... Or maybe you'll try every one of "The Kind" you meet, I don't know... But hopefully eventually you settle down with one of "The Kind" - the one whom you like, and who also likes you back... The point is, I think "The Kind" makes more sense than "The One"... At least it's more feasible in terms of probability... haha... I'm a realist, if there's such a thing...
So the thing is, once you've found one of "The Kind", you should just be contented and be convinced that there is not such thing as "The ONE is still out there".... It's not fair to the person beside you... In fact, you should convince yourself that the one you have is "The One", if you must believe in that....
I read the book "Man and Wife" by Tony Parsons, and I felt very strongly about some things he wrote, under the character of "Harry Silver"... Harry learns many things about love... One thing he learns from his mom, is that the trick is not that some couples just have everlasting love, but that:
"You just have to fall in love again."
Harry Silver got divorced once, then got married again... Then he met this girl and has a short "innocent" affair with her... Partly also because he believed his wife would rather be with someone else...But eventually he went back to his wife...
In some ways the knowledge that either of us could survive without the other made what we had seem even more precious - we stayed together because we chose to stay together.
In a world full of choices, we chose each other.
"Harry Silver", Tony Parsons in "Man and Wife"
I don't quite subscribe to that... Can you imagine the probability of meeting that ONE person in your life? I don't think I'll even notice him even if I walk past him a million times, let alone get to know him...
I'm thinking about this recently largely because of this new movie that's being advertised widely... "Turn Left Turn Right - 向左走，向右走"... I'm telling the version I read online, from the book (The movie's adapted from a book)...About this two people who live next to each other in an apartment but have never met... One has a habit of turning to the left, the other always turns to the right... The guy's a violinist looking for his one true love, while the girl's one true love is poetry... She's a writer or something... So, two parallel lines shouldn't ever meet, but they come together one day at a park, fountain-like place(I think, because it's round, and that's how they can ever meet), have the best time of their lives, till this shower of rain cuts their fun short... they exchange numbers and turn in the two different directions as dictated by their habit...
But they realise, on reaching home, that the rain had seeped through their coats and smudged the numbers till they were unrecognisable... They both waited by the phone, hoping the other would call... Time passed.... They had many close encounters of nearly meeting... Playing with the same cat or dog, kissing the same baby they passed on the street.... Yet not meeting... That winter was cold... They both decided to go away, leave this cold lonely place... They went to the park one last time with their luggage... And the two parallel lines met once more...
It's nice and sweet to think that there is one person out there just meant for you... But if you think that there is just that ONE person meant for you, it may not be all that good... Imagine you're in a relationship with this person... maybe at this stage you're not feeling that close to that person, or having some doubts about how far you could go as a couple... Maybe you're at a stage of comfort, just comfort, the sparks have died down... If you hold the view that there is "The ONE", you might be tempted to think that "The One" is still out there, and is not the one beside you....
I believe in the theory of "The Kind"... That there is a "type" of guy or girl that each person is suitable for... In your life, you will meet one, two or three of "The Kind" that you're compatible with... It's like you've a computer... you can install Internet Explorer or you can install Netscape...You'll choose one... Or maybe you'll try every one of "The Kind" you meet, I don't know... But hopefully eventually you settle down with one of "The Kind" - the one whom you like, and who also likes you back... The point is, I think "The Kind" makes more sense than "The One"... At least it's more feasible in terms of probability... haha... I'm a realist, if there's such a thing...
So the thing is, once you've found one of "The Kind", you should just be contented and be convinced that there is not such thing as "The ONE is still out there".... It's not fair to the person beside you... In fact, you should convince yourself that the one you have is "The One", if you must believe in that....
I read the book "Man and Wife" by Tony Parsons, and I felt very strongly about some things he wrote, under the character of "Harry Silver"... Harry learns many things about love... One thing he learns from his mom, is that the trick is not that some couples just have everlasting love, but that:
"You just have to fall in love again."
Harry Silver got divorced once, then got married again... Then he met this girl and has a short "innocent" affair with her... Partly also because he believed his wife would rather be with someone else...But eventually he went back to his wife...
In some ways the knowledge that either of us could survive without the other made what we had seem even more precious - we stayed together because we chose to stay together.
In a world full of choices, we chose each other.
"Harry Silver", Tony Parsons in "Man and Wife"
posted by Sodium-squared at 9/15/2003 10:33:00 PM
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