in thoughts...
Saturday, September 27, 2003
Friends and Lovers...
A friend, Desmond, had shared with me an essay on friends and lovers, which he had written some time ago... Wanted to comment about it, just hadn't gotten down to putting it into words here... I'm revealing his name instead of just calling him D, as I usually use only initials, because I'll be quoting him in the parts in bold below... ;)
"Among my friends, among the singles who were un-single before, they told me that having a boyfriend/girlfriend is not as good as it seems. They recount their horrors, disappointments, aggravation, anger, irritation and what-have-u with their boyfriend/girlfriend...they will say that friends are better than lovers.
For a long while, I accepted this as the truth. That is, you need to put in more for lovers, whereas for friends, we just accept whatever they give us and whoever they are."
Regarding accepting friends as they are... I'm not that sure... I think sometimes we try to change our friends, with the intention of making them better people... How the results are, for better or worse, that's another matter isn't it? But of course, we only do this to our closer friends, not those mere acquaintances... And I'm sure we've heard of people trying to change their lovers... Probably, the closer we are to a person, the more we may try to change that person, and not just accept her/him as she/he is... Maybe it's because we expect more from them... we have higher hopes for people we hold close to our hearts than the mere stranger or passerby on the street...
Yet thinking about what people always say about true love... How we should just love the person as he/she is... Loving the good points, overlooking the shortcomings... That's difficult isn't it... Something to learn... though it might not always be bad to try to change little bits of them here and there... ;)
"Friends are not better than lovers. They are just different. Friends are people whose lives have, at one moment, intertwined with yours, and both you and him feel comfortable enough with each other to try to maintain the relationship. Lovers are people whose life "should" intertwine with yours for the rest of ur life."
For me, a lover is a special type of friend... Meaning that a lover has to be, at the very least, a very good friend, with the additional quality of loving me in a way my other friends do not, and allowing me to love him in a way his other friends do not...
I like to see Life as a long long path we all have to walk through... We are all heading the same way, just at different speeds and paces... Friends are people, who at one point or another, walk beside you, helping you along those really rocky parts, wiping your wounds for you when you fall, sharing your ups and downs... At some points, maybe you're not really beside each other... One may be walking slightly ahead, one slightly behind... Sometimes different friends join you at different points... Sometimes you wish one particular friend or one particular group of friends are with you... Maybe sometimes you wish to walk alone... Sometimes your friends may leave you while you're still walking... Maybe they've reached the final destination, where they will be waiting for you... In that sense, your paths do intertwine, not only at one moment, but for many moments...
A lover should be one who allows you to walk your own pace, be beside you most of the time... Someone who never makes you feel alone... Someone who walks behind you when you feel you need to be alone for a while... never intruding, but always there, supporting... one who feels your pain while he/she cleans your wound... And this someone, even if she/he reaches the final destination before you, will leave you enough love to feel as if she/he has never left you... This is when two paths not only intertwine, but naturally become one path...
Thinking of Collin Raye's song, "Love Me"....
"If you get there before I do, don't give up on me.
I'll meet you when my chores are through, I don't know how long I'll be.
But I'm not gonna let you down, Darling wait and see...
And between now and then, till I see you again
I'll be loving you... Love me..."
"Among my friends, among the singles who were un-single before, they told me that having a boyfriend/girlfriend is not as good as it seems. They recount their horrors, disappointments, aggravation, anger, irritation and what-have-u with their boyfriend/girlfriend...they will say that friends are better than lovers.
For a long while, I accepted this as the truth. That is, you need to put in more for lovers, whereas for friends, we just accept whatever they give us and whoever they are."
Regarding accepting friends as they are... I'm not that sure... I think sometimes we try to change our friends, with the intention of making them better people... How the results are, for better or worse, that's another matter isn't it? But of course, we only do this to our closer friends, not those mere acquaintances... And I'm sure we've heard of people trying to change their lovers... Probably, the closer we are to a person, the more we may try to change that person, and not just accept her/him as she/he is... Maybe it's because we expect more from them... we have higher hopes for people we hold close to our hearts than the mere stranger or passerby on the street...
Yet thinking about what people always say about true love... How we should just love the person as he/she is... Loving the good points, overlooking the shortcomings... That's difficult isn't it... Something to learn... though it might not always be bad to try to change little bits of them here and there... ;)
"Friends are not better than lovers. They are just different. Friends are people whose lives have, at one moment, intertwined with yours, and both you and him feel comfortable enough with each other to try to maintain the relationship. Lovers are people whose life "should" intertwine with yours for the rest of ur life."
For me, a lover is a special type of friend... Meaning that a lover has to be, at the very least, a very good friend, with the additional quality of loving me in a way my other friends do not, and allowing me to love him in a way his other friends do not...
I like to see Life as a long long path we all have to walk through... We are all heading the same way, just at different speeds and paces... Friends are people, who at one point or another, walk beside you, helping you along those really rocky parts, wiping your wounds for you when you fall, sharing your ups and downs... At some points, maybe you're not really beside each other... One may be walking slightly ahead, one slightly behind... Sometimes different friends join you at different points... Sometimes you wish one particular friend or one particular group of friends are with you... Maybe sometimes you wish to walk alone... Sometimes your friends may leave you while you're still walking... Maybe they've reached the final destination, where they will be waiting for you... In that sense, your paths do intertwine, not only at one moment, but for many moments...
A lover should be one who allows you to walk your own pace, be beside you most of the time... Someone who never makes you feel alone... Someone who walks behind you when you feel you need to be alone for a while... never intruding, but always there, supporting... one who feels your pain while he/she cleans your wound... And this someone, even if she/he reaches the final destination before you, will leave you enough love to feel as if she/he has never left you... This is when two paths not only intertwine, but naturally become one path...
Thinking of Collin Raye's song, "Love Me"....
"If you get there before I do, don't give up on me.
I'll meet you when my chores are through, I don't know how long I'll be.
But I'm not gonna let you down, Darling wait and see...
And between now and then, till I see you again
I'll be loving you... Love me..."
posted by Sodium-squared at 9/27/2003 10:15:00 PM
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