in thoughts...

We're all looking for happiness... yet sometimes it can be so near, so simple to achieve, but we let it slip past us...

"Happiness depends on what you can give, not what you get."
Mahatma Gandhi

My friend had her 20th birthday almost 2 months back, and I was wondering what to get her... At our age, its really hard to get a good present for people... You want to give something they are really happy with and really want, but you don't want to burn a big hole in your own pocket... Gosh, and next year's gonna be a big nightmare - everyone's 21st birthdays are coming up... I guess expectations will really shoot all the way up... Anyway, back to where I was at... My friend's birthday almost 2 months back... Sigh, soft toys just don't work anymore... Heck, I wouldn't be elated if people still gave me soft toys... UNLESS they really are unbelievably cute and of supreme quality... Haha...

My friend has been wanting to get more clothes, so I got her a voucher at this place she likes to go to, rather than buying the clothes for her, because I think we have really different tastes in clothes... But this shop is not at some official shopping mall, and they don't usually have people buying vouchers from them, so I designed my own voucher, with my friend being able to keep a portion of the voucher as a keepsake... I had a lot of fun designing and decorating it... And adding in funny clauses in the Terms and Conditions... But it didn't feel like a good enough gift... Vouchers are like money, and I don't like the idea of just giving that... though I did put in effort decorating the money....

So I actually bought materials to sew her something... Her horoscope is Cancer, represented by a crab, and she likes to call herself flowercrab... so I made her a "stuffed" crab decorated with flowers.... It's funny how much fun I had doing it... It was a little bit of a rush, because at that time I was busy preparing for my camp as well as having to meet many people to settle stuff...

And when I saw my friend's surprised look when she saw the presents, everything paid off a second time... I mean, I already had fun preparing her present... I love to surprise her... Sometimes the best gifts are those you didn't expect people to know that you wanted... She did jokingly suggest a voucher from that shop, but she didn't expect that I would really go ahead and do it, because after all, that shop doesn't sell vouchers... Heck, even the lady owner looked at me funny when I approached her to do this voucher thing...

Surprise someone today... pleasantly I mean.... It can be very gratifying....

Here I'll share a poem, but sigh, unknown source again... sorry if I'm violating some copyright thing again... Because I got this through e-mail... so even if sometime ago the poet was known, somewhere along the forwarding the name disappeared, and when it got to me it read "source unknown"...

The Park Bench
The park bench was deserted as I sat down to read
Beneath the long, straggly branches of an old willow tree.
Disillusioned by life with good reason to frown,
For the world was intent on dragging me down.
And if that weren't enough to ruin my day,
A young boy out of breath approached me, all tired from play.
He stood right before me with his head tilted down
And said with great excitement, "Look what I found!"
In his hand was a flower, and what a pitiful sight,
WIth its petals all worn - not enough rain, or too little light.
Wanting him to take his dead flower and go off to play,
I faked a small smile and then shifted away.
But instead of retreating he sat next to my side
And place the flower to his nose
And declared with overacted surprise,
"It sure smells pretty and it's beautiful, too.
That's why I picked it; here, it's for you."
The weed before me was dying or dead.
Not vibrant of colours, orange, yellow, or red.
But I knew I must take it, or he might never leave.
So I reached for the flower, and replied, "Just what I need."
But instead of him placing the flower in my hand,
He held it mid-air without reason or plan.
It was then that I noticed for the very first time
That weed-toting boy could not see: he was blind.
I heard my voice quiver, tears shone like the sun
As I thanked him for picking the very best one.
"You're welcome," he smiled, and than ran off to play,
Unaware of the impact he'd had on my day.
I sat there and wondered how he managed to see
A self-pitying woman beneath an old willow tree.
How did he know of my self-indulged plight?
Perhaps from his heart, he'd been blessed with true sight.
Through the eyes of a blind child, at last I could see
The problem was not with the world; the problem was me.
And for all of those times I myself had been blind,
I vowed to see the beauty in life,
And appreciate every second that's mine.
And then I held that wilted flower up to my nose
And breathed in the fragrance of a beautiful rose
And smiled as I watched that young boy,
Another weed in his hand
About to change the life of an unsuspecting old man.

Sometimes school feels fun... like now... because everything's in a mess now... not yet organised... everyone still in a semi-holiday mood... only lectures for the first week, no tutorials yet... more friends this year that I see around... getting books in the crowded bookshop... squeezing with people in canteens, on buses...
First thing this morning at 0745... the first shuttle bus inches to the bus stop I'm at... a couple of people, myself included, managed to squeeze up the already crowded bus... the bus driver says "You're all educated people arh, if cannot squeeze up you know must take the next bus OK?"
Welcome to N*S... where even the bus driver uncles talk about education, civilisation, brains, IQ, manners....

Yesterday I went to a junior's house to play again... sing karaoke, play bridge, play mahjong(though I didn't really catch how to play that), play carrom(which i was really bad in)... It just sort of struck me that singing karaoke, just a couple of years back, seemed to me an activity for families late in the night, or middle aged people needing some entertainment... well, apparently university students love it.... or maybe it's just my university... which makes me think, what's considered cool and what's not?

"We were twelve or thirteen, and had recently discovered irony - or at least, what I later understood to be irony: we only allowed ourselves to play on the swings and the roundabout and the other kids' stuff rusting away in there if we could do it with a sort of self-conscious ironic detachment... If you could somehow prove that these childish entertainments had the potential to dash your brains out, then playing on them became OK somehow."
"Rob", Nick Hornby in "High Fidelity"

Sometimes you just need a strong popular personality to convince you that something is cool and fun... it'll take an even stronger personality unafraid of peer pressure to not engage in that activity this strong popular personality is suggesting... or if you're open to ideas, you might just play along and realize the fun in the activity...

I was watching Chicago Hope yesterday, and it was about this guy C, who was in a state of unconsciousness, and could possibly remain that way without another operation. His mom insisted that if God wants him to stay this way, he will stay this way. But if God wants C to wake up, C will wake up. The doctor in charge of C happens to know C personally, and insisted that C would have wanted them to at least try to save him, even if there was an amount of risk involved in the operation. C's mother wanted to arrange to take C home the very next day. The doctor tried to convince C's mother to allow this operation, and C's mother started telling the doctor about God's will, and how only Christians will go to heaven to God when they die. The doctor got angry and said, so what about all the Muslims and Jews and millions of others who do not believe? I think the people who deserve to go to Hell are parents who deny their children of medical attention. (not exact words) So this doctor decided to secretly operate on C without his family's approval that very night. She succeeded with the help of a small group of assistants. When C woke up the next day, his mom believed that God had wanted C to wake up.

Now now... this brings me back to one of the questions that always fascinates me: Should we leave all tasks, all chances to God's Will, or do we try to do something ourselves and see what happens?

With or without the operation, C will one day die... But was it God's will that C should remain unconscious? Did the doctor defy God's will by performing the operation? Was her act of defiance also planned by God? If she did not perform the operation, will C suddenly wake up one day? So when should we just leave things to God's will and when should we attempt to do something that seems risky?

I was given a card by my aunt, who's a Christian, and it says: Expect great things from God. Attempt great things for God.

This brings to mind an operation that took place in here, in real life, a couple of weeks ago. A pair of Iranian twins joined at the head for 29 years, came here to be operated on, to be separated so they could lead their own lives. The operation was not successful, and both of them died, one after another, shortly after the operation. After the operation, some people claimed that they died because they had tried to defy God's Will. And God's will was that they were to be together all their lives; that was why they were joined at the heads since birth.

Just about a week ago, the same team that had operated on the Iranian twins, performed another operation that successfully separated a pair of baby Korean twins joined at the tail bone. Both babies are faring well. Explain that to me.

Is this back to the Illusion of Choice again? That it doesn't matter what I choose, because what happens in the end is not up to me?

I don't think doctors should play God, but in so many instances, they do seem as if they are the ones controlling life and death. During another episode of Chicago Hope, another doctor, who believes in God, says that she is just helping God to correct some little mistakes that He overlooks...

Does God make mistakes? Does he overlook things?

Isn't God supposed to be perfect and infallible? Or is that just Man's wishful thinking?

I forgot how the audience can increase the scary effect of a horror movie.

Yesterday a group of us were invited to a senior's house to eat, drink, sing ktv, watch vcd... basically to have fun...word was passed round for us to bring any forms of entertainment we have, so I brought a few of my brother's vcds... shh... don't tell him... ;)...

I simply love good horror movies, but so far there's not been many... so I settle for those that give me cheap thrills as well... those "BOO" scares work sometimes...

It turns out that I was the only one who brought vcds, so, sigh, we watched those I brought - meaning I had already watched them before, both in theatres and at home... so i was prepared to be quite bored as we watched The Sixth Sense... However, I jumped a little at the semi-scary scenes, not because the movie scared me, but because some of the girls watching with me were giving loud, shrill screams that totally took me by surprise... haha... it was quite funny actually....

If I'm going to watch a scary movie and I want to get my money's worth, I know who I should bring along now...