in thoughts...

finished reading Dan Brown's The Da Vinci Code.
one of the best books i've read recently.
well, considering how few books i read,
one of the best books i've ever read.

and though it's fictional
(based on a lot of fact and findings though)
at numerous points, it touched on the many points i wondered about
about religion, God, and humans
and yes, though it's fictional,
it's helped me get a clearer perspective
and i can safely say for now
that i won't be going into any religion anytime soon
still too much to find out, too many doubts

"More than eighty gospels were considered for the New Testament, and yet only a relative few were chosen for inclusion..."

"... history is always written by the winners. When two cultures clash, the loser is obliterated, and the winner writes the history books - books which glorify their own cause and disparage the conquered foe. As Napoleon once said, 'What is history, but a fable agreed upon?'... By it's very nature, history is always a one-sided account."

one point i've always been uncomfortable with - the Bible is written by Man.
Not only that, but that what was compiled into the Bible,
were selected by a small group of powerful men.
In fact, according to the book, chosen by Constantine the Great.

"Anyone who chose the forbidden gospels over Constantine's verson was deemed a heretic. The word heretic derives from that moment in history. The Latin word haereticus means 'choice'. Those who 'chose' the original history of Christ were the world's first heretics."

A friend asked me, what i have to lose by accepting Christ.
Admittedly, nothing.
But why pay lip service and say i've accepted Christ
when in my heart i still have doubts?

and so some say that the End of Days is coming.
maybe that's why my friend is speaking to me more often about Christianity.
hoping that a friend (me) can go to heaven if the End does come.
hey.. i appreciate the kind intentions
but i replied that i am learning more and more
and i'm not stopping yet
if the End of Days come before i proclaim myself a Christian (or otherwise)
well, i'd say that when the time comes,
i'll stand in front of the One who'll judge me
and the One alone will judge to see how far i've come, how hard i've tried

something else about the book
the search for the truth
turned some people to the wrong path
the quest to cover up important secrets
led to bloodshed - in the past it happened, in the present it happens, in the future it will happen
blind faith and desperation
resulted in people being pawns to do evil

2 people, on separate occasions, mentioned that when bad things happen to us
it's not God's way of telling us that this is the wrong way to go
but rather because we were deceived by Satan and made a bad choice

well i dunno why i'm taking so long
and why some people don't seem to have such problems
maybe Satan is throwing me a lot of red herrings (that's supposed to mean misleading clues yeah? can't remember)

in my opinion, a good book
not better than tuesdays with morrie in terms of content
but better in terms of ideas of organization, and rather insightful in terms of the conception of the idea of afterlife

having people to explain your life to you
why some people died so you could live
to find peace in your life after you died
i think i need that
that would be nice

because right now
there are so many things i don't understand
i can't see where all this is leading me to
i can't tell if what they say is true
so how can i decide if i should go in that direction?
i dunno why i am the way i am now
why did i turn away?
how did i drift so far?
why am i resisting so much?
who can i listen to?
i don't like what i'm hearing
and i'm stubborn
is this what you are really like?

for the peace i want to have with myself
maybe this is the storm that i have to weather myself
but why are you making it so hard?
just show yourself
for who you are
stop making me guess
cos i really dun like what i hear about you
and i'm really questioning
maybe on the day i die
i'll realize that all this is just a fragment of our imagination
hah

heard this on radio over lunch -

this person goes to visit a chicken farm, where she sees a worker feeding a few chickens that were running free, not in cages like the rest of the chickens.
She went up offering her help to put these few chickens back to their cages, but the worker rejected her help.
Apparently they have to keep a few chickens running free, in full sight of the caged up chickens, so the latter will not attempt suicide, stop laying eggs or die of despair of never going free.

somehow... made me think of humans.
though i do suppose humans are more complicated ;)
but sometimes i really think,
maybe we're just blindly doing what we do,
in hope that we can be like some people we hold in awe or envy
though in fact we may actually be manipulated by others
to just do what they want us to do
i mean, come on, i doubt the chickens really wanted to lay that many eggs
anyway the eggs are mainly not going towards their reproduction
which some argue is supposed to be the ultimate reason for their survival
the eggs are mainly going towards consumption by humans

but maybe if we focus on doing what only we wanna do
if the caged chickens decide that hey, i'm not gonna lay eggs just cos you expect me to
then maybe the rebellious caged chickens might just face the fate of being slaughtered
now now...
is it better to live a life you don't want
or die a death you don't want?

on another level
perhaps we really need some goal
some aim
some hope
even if unattainable ever,
if it helps us in the day-to-day
to strive for a better life
maybe it ain't so bad
perhaps then, i shouldn't be so critical of people who buy lottery fervently?
(though i seriously think that it's a waste of money)

oh well.