in thoughts...

went to take photos with the graduating seniors today at city hall area. they all looked so nice in their convo gowns!
 
it's a mix of feelings -
happy for them that they've graduated
wondering how it'd feel like when it's my turn
feeling a bit scared that so many seniors are graduating at one go
wondering if we'll still get to meet often
 
had real fun taking photos. a lot of graduates around the area today taking photos but i think we were the biggest group ;) and the skies were super nice today! lovely clouds and nice sunset colours. but my digicam battery died on me. sheesh. but managed to get a few shots before it died. haha. we even took with a bride and her groom! cool or wat? haha.. 

 


we walked and walked and walked and i felt really thirsty. 
 
spotted a super big water dispenser.

 
 
took many many big gulps of water from it. 

 
 
and tho we weren't the stars of the day, we still took many photos! haha. so narcissistic! haha..

this is gonna take a while. 
 
2nd time involved in swaps foc. very different from last year.
 
last year did pubs and recruitment and was permanent faci.
this year was advisor and faci - meaning station master most of the time. had to settle admin stuff too.
 
was kinda sad that i missed out on ice-breakers. it really felt very different. last year doing recruitment, collected most of the fees so i could recognize almost all the new campers. this year, all those faces i can't put names to. kinda sad. but i'm glad i ran off to join my group during first day after lunch. at least got to know my group campers. hee.
 
and mind you, they're a bunch of damn horny people. hahah. we were the group, Fyndhorn, and horny we were, with leaders of the pack V & CY. Since we got to know our group name V had been unable to control herself - her horniness was evident in her msn nick and she influenced us to change our nicks as well. haha... but then again SY was the one who picked our group name (according to V) so there, we owe our horniness to both of them. but hmm the campers all had such horny potential it was unbelievable.
 
being station master is a new experience. feeling a little detached from the groups but still i'm always happie to see the fyndHORNIES at my station, haha.. was afraid that i would have a hard time integrating back into my group when i went to join them, cos i really take very long to warm up to people, but they're such lovely peepz that there wasn't much of a problem..we worked really well together to dunk V in the sea after my playground station, heh.
 
finale night. i was damn pissed with the admin. din give me my bloody air-con. shut my fans after that. i felt like screaming every vulgarity i knew at the admin, but they had knocked off and there was no bloody person i could do that to. and when that died down i just felt like, damn, i hope i din screw things up. then the security guard came by - our "enemy" for the past few nights - but we spoke nicely to him and he actually helped us with the air-con. did the waltz with SY as we talked, and we spoke about Zhen and i told her i got her msg in the afternoon at Sentosa and gave her the hug Zhen wanted me to give her, and then we cried. kodak moment that one. then we went around learning cha cha from Deb and a little from Jannah. wacky these peepz. love them.
 
and soon it was last day of camp. and it's the feeling like, woah, that's faaast. ribbon ceremony was less emotional this year than it was for me last year, but still, teared a little. could hear the sincerity of the words spoken but we, true to our group name and nature, peppered the words with horniness from time to time, so the mood was still light.
 
and now, back to normal normal living again. camps always feel unreal to me. and now it's time to think about all the people i have things to say to.
 
Programmers
this was the maddest bunch of people i ever saw working together. stayovers, late nights, brilliant ideas, perserverence, strength, lame jokes. my goodness. and TOTALLY STUBBORN. haha. but i love you guys. you've been an inspiring lot. i dunno why i spent more time with programmes than helping pubs and recruitment (probably cos G had it mostly settled) but you guys have shown me a lot too. thanks :)
 
Shiyun - for taking the post. i'm sure you learned a lot. for being strong no matter what happened. for telling me how you feel. for being my support. for the sweet little things you do for me. for the herbal tea and aloe vera aftersun and the choc.  for the laughter and the jokes and secrets. for the tears and hugs.
 
Lin Yen - for being so committed. for being so steady. for being so stubborn like me - i wun let go of the pail or the radio, whichever i'm holding! haha. for trying to make me feel better even as you had to tell me that admin screwed up on us during finale night. for being open to suggestions and ideas.
 
Yvonne - for being ever so good-natured. for doing the rooms (sorry dearie that i din help). for your smile. for the wonderful job of knights and ladies and the brilliant royal sisterhood idea.
 
Zhisheng - for knowing what you want. for being willing to work around things when faced with opposition. for your determination. for inspiring the rest. for clearing up doubts and queries. for being steadfast.
 
Javen - for the great job on log. for the wacky ideas at the weirdest moments. for taking in stride our "duh" looks and responses. for planning 3rd day returning of items well so i din have to miss ribbon ceremony nor break camp lunch with my group. for getting me helpers and helping during the borrowing and returning of equipment.
 
Fyndhorn
for being so darn horny. :) for not being shy to make jokes about being long or deep or having threesomes or mass. for making it "last" and "lust". for the the laughter. for sharing. Verm for being so wild and horny and game. Ching Yong for being so steady and nice and helpful. Yingjie for being so onz and for those looks that reminded me not to let the cat out of the bag, haha. Alvin for always helping to carry stuff, thanks! and sorry about my bag landing on your foot in the bus. yikes. Shiyun for the never-ending and totally contagious laughter. Zhisheng for being so game and spontaneous tho you're busy and tired. Audrey for your endless energy and advice and steadiness and cuteness. And the campers - for being you and for joining SWAPS QUEST! for your wonderful cheering, love to hear you all. I'm gonna get to know you all better! :) and sorry for those who got injured at my playground station :( hope you guys are all better already!
 
Yizhen
for the call on the sat before camp. for the message during Sentosa day. for thinking of us. for being there, and letting us know you're there. for being so encouraging tho you may be down too. take care babe!
 
Mao, Huanjie and Ben 
for the dance(s) haha. so funny and wacky. and thanks for coming back! ALWAYS LOVE TO SEE YOU ALL COME BACK!!
 
Desmond
for being the steady advisor. i'm just not good at it. :) for the encouragement during that low point. and the unplanned but synchronized messages with ali.
 
Alicia
also for the encouragement during the low point. and the synchronized messages. :) really made me smile. for agreeing to come back on finale night for us tho you had a very very hectic day! love you loads!
 
take a bow everyone. may the swaps spirit live on.

aaaarghh.

i hate school admin.

keep screwing up my plans!

got thing dun tell me in advance!

What the..??!! since i was talking to you on the phone, why can't you tell me bloody straight away that i need to do this this this first? wait for me to email you THEN you email back and say actually i need to do that that that? good thing i haven't logged off, or else it'll be another lag of one bloody day.

and time is running out. *bangs head against the wall*

*background music - William Hung's new song "She Bangs (her head against the wall)"*

***

and now, for the dear beloved admin... for their wonderful efficiency and persistence (or some say rigidity - nope not me, i din say it) in their policies and operations... TADA! a funny bit from Reader Digest again..

___

While registering at university, I overheard another student explain that he had been mistakenly listed as a female. The clerk told him to go to the administration building.

"But I did that last semester, and it didn't work," the student groaned.

The registry clerk picked up the phone and called the administration office. "Can you do sex changes over the phone?" she asked.

-contributed by Bruce H. Prather
___

***

LYn asked me yesterday if i feel it's better that i only have one cca - swaps. i told her, looking at what i have now, yes, cos if my time were split any further, i think i'll just collapse and die. but the thing is, apparently i've taken on more than i intended to. sometimes the situation just calls for it. and i should just stop thinking about how much there is to do. small steps at a time. breathe breathe breathe. and because i'm such a stubborn asshole, i actually think i can survive. hah.

i am trying to give my all. but i'm afraid that my all is not enough.

***
for a lighter moment, from an old issue of Reader Digest:

Die-Hards

Old plumbers never die; they just go to the minor leaks. - Shelby Friedman
Old baggage handlers never die; they just lose their grips. - John Dratwa
Old fashion designers never die; they just fad away. - Phyllis Jean Porter
Old card players never die; they just shuffle off. - Felicia C. DeMartin
Old florists never die; they make other arrangements. - Mary E. Putnam

AND MY FAVOURITE.. *drumroll*
Old psychologists never die; they're forever Jung. - Jacqueline Schiff.

*guffaws*

have been clearing my cupboards of the old Reader Digests that my bro wanted to throw away last time - i kept them to read thru and sieve out certain articles i wanted to keep. went for kopi with Aud and Mao yesterday and managed to finish "Tuesdays with Morrie" while i was with them.

and i must say: it's really a good book.

gonna read it once thru again.

but i look around me, at friends, at bloggers that i read (some local and some not) and i realize we're basically not that different - the same stuff bother us.

***

how people think of us.
whether we are liked by others.
whether we belong.
but reading Tuesdays, Morrie talked about culture. building our own little sub-culture. deciding the BIG things. deciding how you wanna live your life, how you wanna see things.

Morrie: It's the same for women not being thin enough, or men not being rich enough. It's just what our culture would have you believe. Don't believe it.

to be brainwashed everyday by advertisements.
i'm sure they do affect what we want, and how we want to be like.
to be resilient enough to stop and think, "Is that what I really want/need?"
it takes time. and strength.

to see yourself for what you're worth.
worth may not be a good word.
heck.
to see yourself for what you are, and what you can be.
not to see yourself for what you can OWN.
it's not about the car, it's not about the house.
when you die you're taking nothing of that with you.

what is immortality?
not glory.
not achievement.
not property.
but whose lives you touched, and how deep you went.
to let someone know they matter.
and when you show them that you care, it doesn't matter anymore if you're rich, beautiful, slim or not.
because what they see is no longer what's on the outside.

***