in thoughts...
Wednesday, March 24, 2004
How many times have I forced my problem on you?
Aud was showing us what she found while she was reading for her psych module... from the book "Death and Dying, Life and Living" by Corr, Nabe and Corr(2000)... something by a person who just discovered he has a terminal disease, if I heard her correctly...
***
Listen
When I ask you to listen to me,
And you start giving me advice,
You have not done what I asked.
When I ask that you listen to me,
And you begin to tell me why I shouldn't feel that way,
You are trampling on my feelings.
When I ask you to listen to me,
And you feel you have to do something to solve my problems,
You have failed me, strange as that might seem.
Listen! All that I ask is that you listen.
Not talk or do - just hear me.
When you do something for me
That I need to do for myself,
You contribute to my fear and feelings of inadequacy.
But when you accept as a simple fact
That I do feel what I feel, no matter how irrational,
Then I can quit trying to convince you
And go about the business
Of understanding what's behind my feelings.
So, please listen and just hear me
And if you want to talk,
Wait a minute for your turn - and I'll listen to you.
***
Oh man.
I think I'm UTTERLY guilty.
I have a problem - of needing to feel needed.
And thus when friends tell me their problems, I try to give them advice.
I try to help them do things.
I try to make myself useful.
Because I don't like to feel helpless when I see that my friends are sad.
And somehow that sounds suspiciously like selfish behaviour.
I'm not sure if I've DASHED in, CUT them off while they were still pouring out their woes, so that I, ME, MYSELF can do something about their problems.
Hmm that sounds suspiciously like KPO behaviour.
I'm sorry if I ever made anyone feel like I wasn't listening.
I can see now, why there are counselling tactics, where the counsellors are not to offer advice straight away, but rather after the client has said something, they just rephrase what the client has said - to make sure they have got the right understanding, but also because it makes the train of thought clearly for the client, allowing the client to think through things by themselves.
Something to think about, and something to practise.
***
Listen
When I ask you to listen to me,
And you start giving me advice,
You have not done what I asked.
When I ask that you listen to me,
And you begin to tell me why I shouldn't feel that way,
You are trampling on my feelings.
When I ask you to listen to me,
And you feel you have to do something to solve my problems,
You have failed me, strange as that might seem.
Listen! All that I ask is that you listen.
Not talk or do - just hear me.
When you do something for me
That I need to do for myself,
You contribute to my fear and feelings of inadequacy.
But when you accept as a simple fact
That I do feel what I feel, no matter how irrational,
Then I can quit trying to convince you
And go about the business
Of understanding what's behind my feelings.
So, please listen and just hear me
And if you want to talk,
Wait a minute for your turn - and I'll listen to you.
***
Oh man.
I think I'm UTTERLY guilty.
I have a problem - of needing to feel needed.
And thus when friends tell me their problems, I try to give them advice.
I try to help them do things.
I try to make myself useful.
Because I don't like to feel helpless when I see that my friends are sad.
And somehow that sounds suspiciously like selfish behaviour.
I'm not sure if I've DASHED in, CUT them off while they were still pouring out their woes, so that I, ME, MYSELF can do something about their problems.
Hmm that sounds suspiciously like KPO behaviour.
I'm sorry if I ever made anyone feel like I wasn't listening.
I can see now, why there are counselling tactics, where the counsellors are not to offer advice straight away, but rather after the client has said something, they just rephrase what the client has said - to make sure they have got the right understanding, but also because it makes the train of thought clearly for the client, allowing the client to think through things by themselves.
Something to think about, and something to practise.
posted by Sodium-squared at 3/24/2004 01:44:00 AM
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