in thoughts...

was a good night last night
okie food, okie dessert, nice drink
but wonderful company

if anything become clearer to me last night
it was how much all this has become a cause lost
how we secretly all knew in our hearts
what would result in a rational better ending
but how we didn't want to give in to the "dark forces" at work
how we didn't want to give up without a fight
but if this fight is gonna perpetuate the suffering
then what is all this for?
ancient china has seen the rise and fall of dynasties
and each dynasty dying out has always tried to fight that last good battle
even after a new dynasty is up, they want a restoration
but i've always felt
as long as the commoners are living the good life
that's good enough
in wanting to keep the legend, we subject the people to war and suffering
what's the point?
drawing a parallel, we didn't lose the mandate of heaven
as what they said about the emperors of waning dynasties
we just faced an external phenomenon - like westernisation
did guns make martial arts obsolete?
you can't compare the two like that.
we're just that unborn child who got aborted before we could live out a life of potential.
and in obsessing over how to mete out justice the way we see fit,
we're like those scary vengeful baby spirits who come back to haunt the mothers who aborted them
in those old fashioned chinese movies.. or rather hong kong movies. ha
i'm thinking of all those ghostbuster shows where rooms are always in eerie red lights. crap.
and i can imagine the faces of the ghostbusters coming to get us. okie total crap now.

everyone of us was right last night, in what we said
there are no easy answers, no clear cut solutions
there is a lot of uncertainty - what can we do?
how much should we do?
how will that change things?

i dunno.
i've always thought i was a pessimistic optimist.
now i can't be sure.